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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree w/ the neurodivergence possibility.

Sometimes it's easiest, best, and most effective to simple be direct.

Hey Jane, when you give me advice you often use the words "need" and "should". It makes me feel like you're telling me what to do, or like you think I haven't thought of such basic things. I'm sure that isn't your intent. I really think that if you didn't use those words I could handle it better. And actually, I could also just tell you when I want advice versus when I want you to just listen. Would that help?

You might be surprised by her welcoming such directness. I have had that exact experience w/ people. If they don't understand social nuances well enough to adjust their thinking they may actually appreciate direct requests on how to adjust language.[/quote]

I hate how people have started pretending it's other people's "neurodivergence" and how "they don't understand social nuances well" when it's really the speaker's issues, pet peeves, unspoken preferences causing the speaker's problem(s). This isn't some kind of universal thing where everyone who doesn't work the way you do is off or odd in some way. If you have preferences ("I just need to vent and I don't want any advice"), the burden falls on YOU to create the container for that conversation. Stop blaming/pathologizing your so-called friends for not magically understanding the things you want/need but don't ask for. [/quote]

DP. I get where you’re coming from but the responses OP’s friend is giving suggest that the friend has no idea of how to talk within social norms. OP has also said the friend has relationship issues. That seems plausible.

The board isn’t helped by you trying to make stuff up and rip into OP. Maybe you’re posting because you need someone to tell you to take up exercise. No judgement.[/quote]

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