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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im remarried and we each have adult kids. I love my husband dearly but there are times I wish I had married someone without kids. It does get complicated blending families. For example, he helps his kids out a lot with money, which bothers me.  One of his kids is coming to live with us for a while because she’s having some mental health issues. I’m supportive but it’s not something I really considered. You think when they get older, they’ll be self sufficient and live on their own. As far the relationship with his daughter, I think that just needs time. There’s not much you can do except be friendly, supportive and kind. Hopefully she comes around. But be careful about blending families. It’s trickier than I anticipated! [/quote]

Thank you for sharing your experience.  I understand and I actually also briefly dated a man without children and it was a disaster.  He was very jealous of my son and could not relate to me and my parenting issues at all.  I broke up with him after just a few months of dating. I find that I could relate much better to men who also had children.  But, I get what you are saying about not knowing what the future holds.  But wouldn't this also apply to us?  How about divorced fathers who prefer single women without children because it could potentially make their lives less complicted now and down the road?[/quote]

I think that's a very sensible preference for divorced fathers to have. When both people have children, the "blending" becomes that much more complicated. It's a larger group of people, so it's going to require more compromise and more logistical work. And the chances of having a difficult person in the family are higher the more people you have. [/quote]

I am the single childless woman who posted above about dating divorced men with sons because daughters can be harder dynamic.

Yes, it makes it easier. But what it really means is that everything winds up revolving around the parent and the kids and the childless partner constantly bends to fit around their needs. My boyfriend sometimes legitimately uses their needs as a legit reason, but also sometimes uses it as a cover, IMO. Like, HE will want to do something and so he raises the kids (his are young adults now) as the reason when really it's his desire. All the holidays revolve around his family, never around my extended family, because he has kids and I don't. I feel very sidelined. In some ways I feel like the relationship might be more balanced if we both had kids' needs to be considered.

OP, I thought further and I DO have two friends who have positive relationships with their stepdaughters. One of them was totally distraught when her dad remarried when we were in college and she became close to her. [/quote]

OP here, I understand your concerns and they are absolutely valid.  I dated a childless man in the past and I know that there were times when I had to abruptly cancel plans or change plans because of my child's activities or needs.  He often resented it and it became a source of constant conflict during our brief relationship.  He is now with another childless woman and it is definitely a much better fit for him.  I'm happy for him.  Thank you for sharing that some of your friends now have good relationships with their stepdaughters.  I hope to continue to build my relationship with my future stepdaughter as well.
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