Reply to Did dating after divorce bring your confidence back?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It was eye-opening for me because it gave pretty solid, immediate feedback w/r/t how the market valued and perceived me. Divorced after a ~30-year relationship wherein DW valued me so little at the end that I don't think she imagined anyone else could.

As soon as I started reaching out for connection, I found that an ok-looking, financially comfortable divorced dad who says please and thank you, listens to women when they talk, and is not trying to trick or hurt anyone can do incredibly well in this town. [/quote]

See the above I still can’t date.

The ultimate test of a mate is what they do during tough times. Tough times like raising, parenting, coaching, emotionally supporting kids 18+ years, health scares, running a household together with another person, managing extended families and traditions, and so on.

I just don’t care to talk with someone who tried that, likely failed at it and got divorced.

Then they show up after Hitting the Reset button like they are so great.

Great at what? Living a simple life without dependents or things to problem solve. 
Well that part of life ebbs and flows. Adult children need you, life beyond yourself needs you. [/quote]

PP here. Completely valid to remove divorced men from your menu for the reasons you state (or any reason at all), and I am sure that some of the generalizations you make are well-founded. But FWIW your post reads a whole lot into my post that just isn't there (in the post or IRL).  [/quote]

How do you know what he or she won’t date?

They just said they won’t date people unless their actions prove them worthy.

All you previously said was how wonderful you think you are (opinion) and how you get lots of dates (claim).

And you got divorced after 30 years of marriage (fact).

Ok. [/quote]

How do I know what he or she won't date? She begins her post as follows: "See the above I still can't date." In fact, she goes on to say "I just don't care to talk to someone . . .". This is of course perfectly fine (as I have said two or three times), but my reply addressed the assumptions in the remainder of her post, almost none of which apply to my particular case. It is entirely possible that avoiding divorced men, self-professed nice guys, etc., works well for lots of people (including this person). Just above, I acknowledge that some of her generalizations are probably well founded. But at the end of the day, this person took my initial post and added a tremendous amount of their own stuff/experience to it. It was sufficiently over the top that I felt compelled to distance myself from it, even though we are anonymous here.

Look, I intended my initial post as a self-deprecating response to a thought-provoking subject. I related my own very real experience, in which my own dating life was much more positive and successful than I had feared it would be, given some of my flaws and mediocrities. I described being surprised at the outsized power of basic decency and basic emotional fitness in this dating market -- not to self-aggrandize, but to make an essentially sad point about how low the bar is (particularly for men in DC).

I can see how my post may have landed differently, particularly for someone who has been hurt by a divorced man or who does not want to hear about exDHs who enjoy dating, etc. But by "eye-opening" I just meant surprising, and by "do incredibly well in this town" I just meant that my options were much broader than I thought possible, and I found an amazing, loving, person who would probably not have given me the time of day when we were in our 20s.

You don't have to believe or agree with any of that, but it's the full, candid truth. Some middle-aged divorced men who claim to be well-adjusted and healed are kidding themselves and you. Some of them are, in fact, well-adjusted and healed.

[/quote]

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