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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 17 is a sweet teenager. She has a baseline level of anxiety and people pleasing, but nothing pathological, we all have our "stuff"

She is a junior at a high pressure private school, and she's really committed to getting good grades and maintaining a specific extracurricular that requires regular practice and takes up two, essentially nonnegotiable,  evenings a week. She manages her own schedule, does her work, and tends to do one or two social things on weekends only with friends. But, she is coming home and working pretty steadily until 10 or 11pm on weekdays and putting in 5-6 hours daily on weekends with work. This is all her choice, she picked her schedule, and we've never even set a curfew for her, let alone told her she couldn't go out anytime.

Now, the issue. My family! They are local, and, for decades, there has been steady pressure to do family events, holiday dinners, etc. I have a history of being the most flexible, but, honestly, we aren't religious (Jewish) and could take or leave most of the many, many holidays.

This year, not a single Jewish holiday (except Sukkot which is when we have college visits planned) falls over a weekend. When first asked, I asked my daughter her real thoughts and she said the thought of having a third weekday evening out of the house was extremely stressful. So,  I gave my mom a firm "no" on doing weekday family events. We'd be happy to get together any Friday or Saturday evening. We'd be happy to host anyone for family dinner during the week.

Now, however, she is going directly to my kid and laying on the pressure. I get that my kid isn't a "kid" anymore and should be able to manage her own relationships and time, but I really want to tell my mom to knock it off.

To be clear, we've already hosted my mom for dinner twice, and we made day trip plans with her for two weekends during the fall, and we talk almost daily. It's not like we never see her![/quote]

As a Jewish person I say this with care tell your mother to F off.

[/quote]

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