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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't date either or you. Who needs more crap?
He is trying to create emotional distance between you. All the special days and need for gifts is the opposite of being able to do that.
Not a good match.[/quote]

OP here. I think this is right about him trying to create emotional distance. And yes of course it’s not about the actual gift. Giving birthday and Christmas gifts is just something people who love each other do for each other customarily. And we had done this all before so it’s a shift.   This isn’t the only sign that he’s trying to create emotional distance. It’s just the most obvious, concrete one.[/quote]

What do you mean we had this all before?  You’ve been going out 2 years - so one other Christmas and birthday?

By the way gift giving is my lowest priority of all the love languages and I vote for breaking up. I find that people who prioritize gifts so highly have a very different emotional makeup than the other languages. The rest of the love languages amplify everyday activity.

But gift givers say stuff like you didn’t give the gift on the day, you didn’t send it, dinner out is not a physical gift, etc (all stuff in your post, even when you are praising a gift). It’s draining for someone who doesn’t have that as a love language.[/quote]

This. It's never enough, they always pick at it. Break up and find someone who gives physical gifts to your precise standards. If you can. [/quote]

OP here. I don’t actually think I am being high maintenance here in terms of gift giving. I think it’s a social norm to give something even if small on birthdays, anniversaries if married, chocolate or flowers on Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Mothers or Father’s Day (for spouses). People can opt out of there’s agreement on that of course. And he has gotten me small, thoughtful things in the past, as have I. And of course it doesn’t have to be something physical. It’s the thought that counts, as they say. My exH just automatically had flowers delivered for V day and Mothers Day, and wrote me a card, and, like I said, he struggled with basic tasks. It’s a common courtesy.

[/quote]

Meh. At the point you are arguing about “common courtesy” to impugn your partner, it’s over. Nothing is universal and if you can’t overlook relatively small failings or have an honest discussion about it, the relationship is not working. [/quote]

OP here. Ok last post and I’m done and appreciate everyone’s thoughts. I did have an honest discussion with him about it. And he acknowledged my feelings. And said he was going to do something about it and didn’t.

I agree this issue doesn’t need anymore air time! I’ll see myself out.[/quote]

What did you think he was going to say and do at that moment? He was trying to save everyone’s face while deciding whether your high maintenance ways are worth it to him.[/quote]

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