Reply to At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college?

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "At what cost do you help your adult kids after getting them through college? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's news. Not every parent hands over down payments. We got our first house at ages 34 and 35 after being married 6 years. Saved our own down payment. [/quote]

OP here. Similar for us.  [b]We also help out one set of parents,[/b] so we are the sandwich generation.  I don't think my spouse will ever be able to retire, as they've enabled the intergenerational dependency. [b]They significantly help their parents[/b], and they are enabling our adult kids.  Maybe I'll retire at the traditional age and spend the healthy beginning of my retirement years traveling with friends or solo instead of with my spouse. I do have my own retirement and brokerage account.  [/quote]
I can't imagine paying for my parents (hello years and years and years worth of earning and saving) instead of paying for my kids flights to come visit me. Parents are old enough to fend for themselves, kids just starting out less so. [/quote]

I feel sorry for your parents. Obviously they didn’t do a good job as parents.[/quote]
You mean being functional humans who saved appropriately? Oh they definitely did that. Sorry you and yours didnt. Good luck to your children having to support you because of your poor decision making - how embarrassing for you. [/quote]

LOL. My kids are fine, thank you. I don’t believe giving kids money makes them any less “functional” but I guess you want to believe that. It’s not like kids are asking for money. [/quote]
You have terrible reading comprehension. PP is saying that functional adults save for their own retirement and don't need their children to support them in their old age - like OP is doing for her inlaws. [/quote]

DP here.  Maybe the adults who were in poor economical situation due to factors outside their control, sacrificed their retirement savings to provide the leg up of a good education to their children. Yes, the adult children need to take care of the elderly parents in their old age.  Due to their parents sacrifice they are in a position to actually help their own parents and also their children.

[/quote]

Wasn't any of this - my spouse has been 100% independent since age 18, paid for college through scholarships, and started sending money to parents at a young age, which created expectations and dependency.  We are not from a culture where this is the norm.   It's more of a rescuer/martyr complex. Ultimately, I never have control over how much money goes to in-laws within our marriage.  I'm worried we've developed similar expectations and dependency with adult kids, but hopefully it's just a stage, and as they mature, they'll be less inclined to take advantage of this generosity, as it comes at a cost.  I'm also okay with my spouse working forever - they choose this, and I have no control over it.  We kind of already have separate finances as we have our own retirement accounts and other investment accounts, but a joint checking account for living expenses.

Most people's feedback on reasonable contributions to adult kids aligns with my beliefs. We gave the kids a blank check to attend any undergraduate program they wanted, and they chose pricy ones and graduated with no student loan debt, and they are now employed in good jobs.  Seems like the buck should stop there.  It did for me; for my spouse, it stopped at 18.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics