Reply to How to help 2nd grader with suspected executive function

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your DS is is a young kid and he forgets stuff. You're the mom here: step up and stop pathologizing your kid.[/quote]

He is almost 9. [b]I hear from everyone over and over on this board that their kids are walking to the store, riding bikes, staying home alone, cooking well before 9. [/b]But he can’t be trusted to have place his packed lunch in his bag after I ask him, or to take an instrument to an instrument lesson? You’re saying I should hover over my kid and remind him of every single item he needs for every single place we go AND visually check after he confirms?[/quote]

No to the bolded, or if you're seeing it here it's exaggerations. Your expectations are not realistic. (And IMO, your expectations are not kind. We've all seen a movie with a parentified 9 yo who is packing lunches for 3 younger siblings: that's not supposed to be aspirational.)

More importantly - even if other kids are doing it, you parent the kid you have. There is a wide range of maturity in the 8-15 range and nothing you've said suggests he has a disorder.

What it sounds like to me is that you are rushed and flustered, and you resent that he is one more thing for you to take care of. He is absolutely internalizing that, btw, which is sad as well as demonstrably ineffective in getting him to remember his belongings. Stop rushing out to the car and plan your time so that you can walk out the door [i]with [/i]him, observing the things he has with him and talking to him about it. [/quote]

Nobody is rushing to the car. He has 30 minutes to eat breakfast (after which I usually have to remind him to place his plate in the sink and throw his dirty napkin away). He brushes teeth and gets dressed. I help with grooming and like I said, give reminders. I don’t know what you’re talking about with 9 year olds packing lunches for 3 year olds. I do observe what he has and don’t have. My question is how do I put more and more on him and help him to be organized especially as he goes into upper elementary school, because it’s been a small amount of improvement with 3 years of the same daily routine and reminders. I can’t follow him to middle school. [/quote]

Upper elementary?? It's August of 2nd grade. He's a baby. Last year his classmates were learning to read and tie their shoes.

I have an organized, NT, independent 12 yo. And I absolutely helped with basic living stuff at 8, including making sure her hair was adequately rinsed in the shower and she got dressed quickly when we needed to go. She packs her own school bag now but she sure didn't at 8.

So yes, IME [i]you do stand over them[/i], as part of the scaffolding that gets them to independence by middle school. That is the answer everyone has been giving you and you don't want to hear it. [/quote]

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