Reply to Leaving people to wallow

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've noticed a phenomenon when there's a rift between friends and partners. Often, I've seen one partner take the "victim L" of saying they just can't do better, keep up, etc. This role is usually played by someone who has said they want to change, want to do better, etc. Since they're giving up, the relationship can't go anywhere, including anywhere that would be a better closure.

I have to admit, I have wasted WAY too much time engaging these people, trying to listen, trying to help, trying to offer support or gentle guidance... The truth seems to be that they just want to take the victimese exit from whatever problems they have, especially when they're the cause of those problems. When confronted with how their own behavior has caused harm or upset, they will usually spiral into some self-loathing or "I guess I'm just not good enough". They seem to expect that they'll be allowed a pass out of their damage because, well, they just can't do anything about it. I don't want to be harsh, but I feel like it might be best to just leave these people in their pity pool. Am I missing something?

Is there a way to get through to these folks? Are they genuinely struggling, or is this just weaponized incompetence in an emotional sense?[/quote]

I honestly have no idea what you are prattling on about. This sounds like a you thing - you are the common denominator. It’s not a “phenomenon.”[/quote]

Funny how multiple other posters seemed to figure this out... Your comment sounds like the sort of gaslighting a manipulator would use to duck responsibility. Maybe you got it loud and clear and didn't want to accept that it's a thing you do, so you posted this dreck?[/quote]

It's customary on DCUM to let people know in your reply that you're the OP. I guarantee nobody cares passionately about this post but you and your fingerprints are all over these impassioned responses. Just back away and don't look back, or ask Jeff to delete the thread.[/quote]

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