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[quote=Anonymous]I have dealt with this.

You say all the things to them that need to be said, firmly, kindly, and directly.  Then you let them as adults make decisions.  You offer to help where you are willing and able and follow through if they are receptive.  As an example, if you are willing and able to coordinate hiring a housekeeper and they say yes, you do it.  If they refuse, you don't do it.

Then you go home to your life and your family and carry on and you wait for the crisis points to happen.  They fall.  It's always falling.  They go to the hospital.   If you are able, you go help.

That's all you can do.  Don't let it consume you.  Try to be present with your own kids and in your own life as much as you can.

It's a good idea to hire a nurse case manager.  They will check in on your parents and can offer referrals when various services and levels of care are needed.  They will also interface with doctors and the hospital.  Your parent has to be willing to cooperate with them though.  My dad had one and it was a big help. He liked her.

I found it helpful to talk to a therapist and get clear on my boundaries and how to approach the whole thing.  If you let in too much noise from outsiders, like the PP going on about how if you are a kind person you'll do XYZ, you'll make yourself crazy.  [/quote]

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