Reply to How to decide who leaves home with kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Where are you located? My brother lives in Virginia, and came back from a business trip to discover his wife had left with the kids. There were no abuse allegations, but I do think my brother had been fooling around and she found out and was so mad she left. He was completely taken by surprise.

So the court found that by leaving the house, in Virginia, his ex had waived her rights to claim the home. Was crazy. And taking the kids was another big no-no apparently.

His case is different than OP, because no abuse was alleged. My brother ended up with the house and physical custody. They actually co-parent really well today. But the lesson was that in some states, leaving the home and just moving out may penalize you when it comes to dividing assets. This may be why OP's husband won't leave.

Talk to a lawyer in your state! Don't rely on us on DCUM to know.[/quote]

I'm in VA and have never been cautioned against leaving the house or taking the kids, and I've spoken with lawyers.[/quote]

I am in VA. I divorced an attorney. Every attorney I consulted with said [b]DO NOT leave the house or take the kids without a signed agreement.[/b] You are wrong.[/quote]Why?  I did exactly that and I'm a man.  You don't have to ask some attorney permission to get your kids out of a bad situation.  Signed agreements can come later.  I eventually got her to move out of my house, move the kids and me back in and I was grated custody but I wasn't waiting for her to agree to anything when I walked out with them.  [/quote]

It is almost always advised never to leave the house without a signed agreement in place. You were lucky. Also, people can assess the risk that somebody’s going to go to court over it and claim abandonment and maybe your risk wasn’t that high because you’re the man. But every attorney I spoke to said do not leave that house until there’s a signed agreement about custody and what’s happening with the house. Also, all of my friends were divorced. Got the same advice and anyone who moved out before a divorce got an agreement that was signed regarding custody and who got exclusive use of the house. Just moving out is not advisable. [/quote]

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