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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back and thanks again--really appreciate the input.

I should have clarified earlier that if my parents even hinted any of what I'm describing to DD it would be game over, I would vigorously push back at them, and they would be out of the loop pronto. But I actually don't think they will say anything to her, they will just say it all to me. I could be wrong, it's just a hunch right now.

I guess I need to think of what language to use. If they say, "So Larla took the SATs this morning, when will she get scores?" do I just say, "sorry, I can't share that with you"? Do we leave for a 5-day college visit and not even tell them we're away? Do we lie about where we're going? Maybe I'm making this too complicated but despite everything I love my parents, they have their flaws as we all do but also have good hearts, they are old and vulnerable in certain ways, and while I of course want to protect myself (which is why I'm posting here), I don't want to cause them unnecessary pain. I guess a solution may be to be as vague as possible while still sharing a very little bit.[/quote]

Wow, you really need to be spoonfed. And wow, are you enmeshed with your parents that they would explore your lives in such detail!

You share nothing. If you don't want to bluntly say: "We're not sharing anything about college admissions because you guys are too judgemental.", this is what you do:

"When is Larla taking her SAT?" - "Oh, we have to see, it depends on various things".
"What's on her list of colleges?" - "Oh, she made a tentative list, things can change."
"We notice you're skirting around all the info we need!" - "We're trying to manage our stress, oops, call on the other line."
"WHAT? YOU NEED TO TELL US! WE'RE YOUR PARENTS!" - "Right, sure, stress management is our top priority. Call you back later!"
"!@#%&*$#%R&)@W#($&*!#@^%$%^&%$@" - "Hmm-mm, I have to go now."
Email formally disinviting you from Big Family Thankgiving - no need to respond.
Email formally disinviting you from Big Family Christmas/Hanukkah - no need to respond.
Phones calls from all their proxies - start again from step 1.
Threats of disinheritance - if guaranteed inheritance more than 10M in trust, run back in haste and make nice, but protect Larla.[/quote]

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