Reply to Child Starting K Will Have Extreme Difficulty Separating

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[quote=Anonymous]My kid had trouble with separation.

A few things that helped at that age:

1) Having someone else drop off

2) Having a particular ritual for separation that was fast, and that didn't change.

3) Spending time in the new environment with him when he knew I wasn't leaving and could relax (e.g. attending a Kindergarten Open House together, or playing on the playground together)

4) NOT lingering at drop off.  On the day I was leaving for the first time, walk him there, say goodbye, do our little ritual (a saying, or a kiss on the top of his head, or something similarly brief)

5) Fantasy wish granting.  This is basically agreeing with your kid when they say they wish it was different.  I used to respond to "I don't want to go to school" with "You'll love it!  Larlo will be there.  The teacher is so nice", which I now think led to him feeling gaslit.  When I switched to "I know right?  I wish we were going to Disneyworld instead!  What would we ride first?"  or "Wouldn't it be awesome if today was a snowday?  We could make a fire in the fireplace and roast marshmallows together!"  things went much better.  To be clear, I didn't actually grant his wish to stay home.  I'd say these things while tying his shoes and packing his lunch.

6) Having a conversation that went "Saying good bye is hard.  I feel as though when you cry it makes it harder.  It doesn't change the fact that you have to go to school, it just means that all day the last thing I remember is you crying, and the last thing you remember is me making you go.  Could we try a different way to start the day?"  I have to say, I was kind of frustrated when I said this, I didn't think it would work, but that was the beginning of the turn around for us.  [/quote]

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