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[quote=Anonymous]OK, you are the highest priority person during labor. If you really wanted your mom there, and DH didn't, you trump him. But your husband is the second highest priority person. If you don't care one way or the other, and he dreads having her there, it is a very bad idea to have her there. Men don't seem to talk about this much, and I'm sure they don't all feel this way, but labor can be a very harrowing experience for them. They can feel helpless and powerless and scared for their wife and child in a way that it totally disorienting and familiar. It took a while for my husband to describe how it felt for him, and since then other men friends have said the same thing. It's a bad idea to add stressors into this situation for him (again, UNLESS it's for your clear benefit -- your needs do trump his during labor).

Tell your mom you're sorry because you know how much she wants to be in the delivery room, but you (don't pin this on DH) aren't comfortable with anyone besides DH being there. (Do check the hospital policy, though -- that would be the easiest way to shut her down.) Then, no matter what, refuse to engage in conversation about it. If she wants to agonize and argue about it, change the subject. If she continues, tell her you have to go. Repeat repeat repeat.

And as a fellow woman with with complicated boundary issues with my mother, I totally agree with PP that you should consider therapy for addressing this at some point soon. I was amazed at how crazy things got with my mom once I became a mom. I didn't expect it at all, and it's been hard -- the power struggles, the miscommunication. So start practicing being assertive and calm and firm now, OP. It's hard but you have to do it or it just gets worse.[/quote]

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