Reply to Single men in 50s - what are you looking for when dating?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Off the top of my head:

- in good physical shape - she takes care of herself
- emotional maturity - not still hung up on the past, willing to be vulnerable herself and accepting of me
- kids at similar stage
- financial independence
- some common interests[/quote]

How come chemistry that’s mentioned so often by men is not on the list? [/quote]

I'm PP.  Chemistry definitely matters but there's not much a woman can do about that.  Well, she should be sexual, enjoy sex.  But that still doesn't mean there will be chemistry with any given person.  On the other hand, realizing lightening strike right off the bat is generally a bad predictor of a good relationship and realizing that sometimes chemistry takes time to develop are important things she can control. Part of being emotionally mature.

Btw, re fitness, I'm much more attracted to women who age gracefully while remaining feminine than ones who have a bunch of surgery and injections, on the one hand, or who give in to the practicalities of being a suburban mom 24/7 on the other hand.  [/quote]

Why is instant attraction a bad predictor of a good relationship ? [/quote]

Because it usually reflects the familiarity of intense but dysfunctional past relationships, especially with a parent. Tons of literature on this. Do your homework.[/quote]

I don’t know. I have great relationship with my parents . To me as a woman it chemistry is not there (and I know by date 2), it never grows [/quote]

And you have a history of successful romantic relationships?

Strong instant chemistry can also cloud your ability to see serious problems.

E.g. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202212/when-red-flags-feel-like-home/amp[/quote]

Of course I do. I was with one partner for 19 years. It eventually ended but first 13 years were actually happy. It’s a good history given that average marriage duration in the US is 7 years [/quote]

A failed marriage is excellent evidence of a dysfunctional relationship.  A failure to get married and into a "partnership" or whatever you called your 19-year relationship is yet more evidence.

Your seven-year figure may have been true at one point, but it's not true today.  With lower rates of marriage, marriages last longer.  [/quote]

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