Reply to Different rules for ND and NT kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For my dc, the Ipad helps them self regulate in places like restaurants. Restaurants can be noisy and busy. I'm ok with that-I want dc to do what they need to self regulate. At age 10, dc is starting to leave the Ipad behind sometimes, with maturity it's getting easier for them to be in loud busy places. [/quote]

The iPad is not helping him self regulate. The iPad is providing a small cocoon where he feels safe so that he doesn't have to self regulate. Perhaps your son is learning self regulation skills elsewhere and that is making it easier to do things without the iPad, but time on the iPad is not a form of self regulation. It is external coping device.

Adults also have this problem, FYI. Many of us also use screens to avoid situations where we'd actually have to manage our emotions. I think this is why so many of us fail to recognize what is happening with our kids when we put them on devices as a way to get through something.[/quote]

I'm the pp you quoted. So-why do you consider an Ipad an 'external coping device' but you aren't saying that about a book or a coloring sheet or toy cars? If a kid is focused on a book or a toy and staying calm, why can't they do that with an Ipad as well?

I disagree that the Ipad is providing a cocoon where dc doesn't have to self regulate. In my dc's case at least, it's clear that having the Ipad to focus on helps them remain calm in a stressful situation, and gives them the opportunity to experience it. My kid is starting to leave the Ipad behind at this point-they are maturing and learning skills, and I don't think denying the Ipad would have changed that.

I understand that some people do not want any screens and that is a valid choice-but the screen itself is not the problem.[/quote]

PP here. Coloring books, books, and toys are not addictive and don't solve the problems of boredom, sensory overload, frustration, or physical discomfort as efficiently and easily as screens do.

All kids, but especially ND kids, have to develop something called distress tolerance. Some people are born with lower distress tolerance than others, and some people are born with higher levels of distress they have to tolerate. Either way, an iPad or other screen can be a handy distraction from distress at times, but it doesn't teach them how to actually tolerate it. That's what self-regulation is -- the ability to figure out how to deal with some trigger or non-ideal situation without losing it. A fidget toy can be a tool in that (especially if kids learn to recognize their distress rising and choose to pick up a fidget toy or something that can serve as one in order to regulate their physical response to distress and stay calm) but an iPad cannot.

Also these other options don't create dependency, whereas screens do. Arguing that an iPad helps a kid "self-regulate" is like saying that a couple beers helps my spouse "self-regulate." It's a crutch, not a skill builder. And it has unhealthy side effects. Use with extreme caution.[/quote]

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