Reply to Does everyone deserve a soulmate?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know if I'm phrasing this in a way that matches my thoughts so bear with me. I'm a very average person in a not-too-happy marriage. When I was still single and dating, I connected with a lot of people but the people who I found interesting, funny, supportive or attractive were people who were less interested in me. I was pretty rational about dating after that and one could argue that I settled after grad school and/or that I was realistic about how assortative mating works.

But a few threads today have me thinking: are soulmates something that exist for everyone, or only the very best people? And I don't mean the most attractive or smart, but the kindest or most hard-working or from good and caring families or whatever? Everyone who I know who talks about having a soulmate seems really privileged even before they found their soulmate- they were beautiful, or athletic, or wealthy, or came from a great neighborhood or family, or all of the above. And their soulmate matched their best attributes 1 for 1.

I'm a very flawed person. I'm nice but socially awkward, I'm healthy but don't have a remarkable body, and I have a plain face. I'm generous and careful with my friendships and relationships but not bubbly or fun so my circle has always been smaller. But even when I met similarly flawed people they seemed to date even more flawed people than me, so I wonder if they perceived themselves to be on the wrong side of assortative mating with me?[/quote]
It's the people you are listening to. Not everyone uses this phrase or believes in it. It sounds like a form of bragging. Even soul mates would have arguments and life challenges; I mean, so what? Marriage is never perfect and peoplefind mates in many ways and for different reasons.  Love ebbs and flows in time. Some people like to brag about their relationships and this is one way to do it. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't listen to this stuff. [/quote]

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