Reply to Help me help my tween navigate initiating play dates

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kids that age.  Ugh.

There can be a power dynamic in friendships at that age where one kid needs or wants the friendship more and both kids know it.  Your son is on the lower end of this power dynamic.  It leads to moments like this.  My oldest son had this type of dynamic with some friends in middle school and it was painful.  Right down to the worrying other kids would be "mad" at him.  What this means is he feels he has to put up with their crap to have friends.

The short-term answer is just let it ride and he should say to the kid, ok let me know.  And in the end he might end up having no one to go with him.

Long-term, keep messaging to him and pointing out how friendship should feel, how friends should treat each other.  Encourage other friendships. He will get fed up with this dynamic on his own and move on is the hope.  My son did and never looked back.[/quote]

Or maybe the other kids are friends since kindergarten, have a stronger bond, do sports together, family vacations, or simply are a better fit as friends because of compatible sense of humor, social skill, interest in girls etc. There are a million other perfectly fine reasons besides “power dynamic”.

I agree with finding someone that’s the right friend for him. It may even happen through his old friends.[/quote]

Really?  Sorry being so casually rude and saying you don't want to hang out with someone unless another person is invited is a douche move.   Yes boys this age can be clueless but even a 12 year old knows better.  If it was someone who was higher status than them socially, they would never respond that way.  Not in a million years.[/quote]

Listen, it’s twelve year old boys making friends, not the snake pit of middle aged women with a low threshold for being offended.

The kids need to spend time together to develop friendships, stop being so sanctimonious. Boys are not that sensitive to social status which most of the times is gained by doing stupid stuff anyways. Maybe the kids know it is more fun if all three are at the sleepover. [/quote]

Do you have middle school age kids?  It is the peak age for being aware of “popularity” and caring deeply about what your peers think of you.  Hopefully you as a middle age lady care a whole lot less.  They notice and care.  Of course boys are sensitive to social status.  [/quote]

Ok then, be offended and cancel the invite.
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