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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The OP comes off as very callous, or at least someone who struggles with empathy. There really is no excuse.

Also, some people who haven’t found themselves yet in their 30s (maybe SIL has been set back by health issues) do figure things out later. SIL won’t have the chance. [/quote]

It is nor callous to describe a family member who never became completely independent as a failure to launch.  She is not making fun of SIL, just explaining that her husband and SIL were different and have not always been close. But the main thing she is recognizing that this is a very sad situation and trying to help her spouse cope with his sister's illness.  I think it's admirable to recognize the sadness in  the situation and try to help.[/quote]

Now is clearly not the time. OP wants to anticipate a death because she's getting a frisson out of it. That's horrible. Anticipation at this point is NOT appropriate.

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Have you had an experience with a terminally ill  family member? Anticipation is very appropriate once the crap starts to hit the fan.. The last time I saw my mother in person was two months before her death and I could tell by looking at her that she would not be here much longer.  Planning for how to deal with things is a reality in such a situation. It is not thrilling or fun, just reality..[/quote]

A. Because OP is not SIL's direct relative and can't DO anything. It's her in-laws and husband who can DO stuff. I've had terminally ill grandparents and in-laws. I could not anticipate in any effective way, because I was not the one directly involved. All I could do was support the ones who were.  This is OP's role too, and she's majorly getting ahead of herself. Her anticipation is not healthy at all. Her husband will be ready when he will be ready.

B. I don't think OP is talking about organizing and preparing, she's talking about her husband feeling more grief than what she "thinks" he's anticipating. She doesn't even know what her husband is thinking and feeling!!! Just because he's acting all cool, doesn't mean he's not actually fearing his sister's passing. Men often act this way. My husband acted all cool and efficient before deaths in his family, but he was repressing his feelings to do the best he could for them - he wasn't actually unfeeling. He didn't cry once, but you bet he mourned.

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