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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would guess that socio economic status makes a difference too. If the Indian extended family has high expectations of money flowing back to them and the non Indian SIL/DIL or their parents are not onboard with this, then this could be a worry.

As a WASP it’s mind blowing how some Indian parents expect so much money from their adult children. Even more mind blowing is the expectation to give money to hordes of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Honestly, I would restructure how our inheritance and trusts work[b] if we’re in a position [/b]where the funds we give to DD or DS for their nuclear family are grabbed by overseas in laws.[/quote]

:lol: :lol:  :lol:  GTFOH!!  No community in USA is wealthier than Indian-Americans. Not even WASPs.   So, the thought of some non-Indian  WASP with no legup from their own family, funding the ILs in USA or India is beyond hilarious. When will you be in that position to give? You neither have the money,  nor the heart, nor the training, nor the tradition.  BTW -  I am only talking about Desi Indians.  Not including other nationalities here - Bangladeshis or Pakistanis etc.

Please, the Rockefellers and Vanderbilts are not marrying second gen Indians.  The people who vacation in the Hamptons are not marrying the second gen Indians.  Usually, it is WASPS from no-name and extremely modest families who start dating the  Indian-Americans with bright financial future in college and grad school.

These WASPs do not come into the marriage with significant assets. Neither their own earned money, nor generational wealth.   Mostly, Indian parents fund the whole wedding (average cost is 350K in DMV) their kids do not have college debt, their children get seed money and the Indian parents make sure that the wedding succeeds. And it does succeed because life becomes smooth when you have wealthy and involved ILs to fall back on. This is especially true of the desi bride and WASP grooms.  They buy into the Indian side of the family a lot more because the logistical help and material help is tremendous.  The desi groom and WASP bride dynamic is different. Usually, the groom and children remain cut off from the Indian side of the family and they behave more like typical WASP males. However, usually these are the grooms with significant earning potential and so their dependency on family is less.

If any Indians give to extended family, then they only give if they are in a position to give.  Rules of social & family conduct, rules of gift-giving etc is extremely nuanced and it is adhered to.   But, majority of people will not let  a branch of their extended  family fail or the young generation not get a good education, if they have the means.  Why? Charity begins at home, the entire clan has to become successful  so that they are able to be of help to each other and rising tide raises all boats.

Most of the times, it is the Indian- American parents who have to safeguard their wealth from the people that their children marry.  Most of the property lawyers in the US ask us to structure our assets in a way that anyone who is not our own blood does not get it through divorce.  They strongly suggest to us to make our children get pre-nups etc.  As a result, the significant transfer of wealth which should have happened at the wedding, doesn't actually happen.  When Indian parents  see that WASP ILs are not reciprocating or not transferring wealth to their own children, they  also hold back.  [/quote]

Is this widespreadly true? $350k weddings are the norm? Or just PP’s delusion?[/quote]

It’s the PP bubble. Arrogant, insecure, tacky, flashy, and enmeshed, yuck. 350K on a wedding is a colossal waste of money. [/quote]

It is a 5 day wedding with many ceremonies for a relatively small Indian wedding  - 200-300 guests.  350K is a colossal waste for whom? People who cannot afford to pay for it will very often have a smaller, shorter wedding - and no one blinks an eye.    For the families that can afford to pay for it and for whom this is a tradition, it is just an expense for which they earn and save for it. Besides some of the cost includes paying for the rooms of the relatives and close friends, as well as the  cost of the gold and diamond jewelry for the girl.   You are in essence hosting 4-5 weddings.   And frankly, there are many businesses that employ many people who subsist on this business.

https://www.sodjla.com/post/indian-wedding-cost[/quote]

Just because you can afford something, it doesn’t mean you should spend it on something as superfluous and unnecessary as a wedding. This is why some cultures build stealth multigenerational wealth and support philanthropy/charities rather than exercise conspicuous consumption. [/quote]
My parents and the rest of my Indian extended family are wealthy enough to do both.[/quote]

As are wealthy WASPs, the point isn’t how much money you have, it’s how you behave with it. What you keep missing is that ostentatious displays of wealth are unacceptable behaviors to WASPs. It’s viewed as low class , thirsty, desperate and trashy by the older WASPs and wasteful, Kardashianish by the younger WASPs.

The one area where I think younger WASP women should be jealous of Indian families is getting to be fat and not worry about weight gain. Being chubby or even just not thin is viewed as a mortal sin in WASP culture. You will hear about it if you gain even 5-10 lbs. Eyebrows will be raised if you eat too much regardless of weight. It’s brutally annoying. Indian families however seem to embrace love handles. I’ve yet to see a middle aged Indian woman who isn’t overweight by WASP standards. Indian women seem far more chill about facial hair too even to the point of having a mustache as they get older. If a WASP detects one lightly colored chin hair, it’s stat off to electrolysis.

[/quote]

Yes, truthfully - these are two very different cultures and Indian-Americans really do not care about WASP culture or hold it in high esteem. They probably do the opposite of what WASPs do, because the speed with which WASP families crash and burn is scary for them.

Indians look down at the lack of morals within  WASP family culture - affairs, divorces, baby mamas, baby daddies, multiple partners, selfish parents, underachieving kids, addiction, selfishness, inability to host and reciprocate socially, not paying for their kids etc.  So, there is zero desire to be like the average WASPs.

As far as the WASP women are concerned - majority of Indian-Americans do not want to marry them as they are seen as easy as well as poorly educated. They may be ok for sex though. If they were seen as wife material and epitome of beauty, more rich Indian-American men would have divorced their Indian wives and married the White women.   But that does not happen.  They are pretty content with their average Indian wives.  Another thing maybe that even the out of shape Indian woman has a brain, an advanced STEM degree and is making bank.  Most Indian-Americans who come here in the world's richest country are horrified about the low percentage of college graduates among the "most privileged group" in USA.

Well, you may ask - what about the Indian-American 2nd generation man who marries a WASP wife?  Usually, they are not very connected to the Desi community and the family dynamics is also a bit on the dysfunctional side (As per  Indian standard.  They are fully functional for WASP standards.).  When this happens, the groom's parents will do some kind of "save the face" celebration. Then the female gets to play Disney Bollywood Princess and gets dressed up in Indian clothes and guests are low-level horrified because most of these women look mannish.   Also, these WASP women are not the prettiest either. They are just very average and out of shape large women.

It is a different thing if the bride is from any other ethnicity - Jewish, Greek, Italian, Asian, Hispanic, African etc.  Women from these cultures are seen as normal and are raised family-centric communities, and there is a lot of interest in seeing their family dynamics and traditions in a blended wedding.

So, what do Indian-Americans do which is a copy of the WASP culture?  Only one thing.  They have understood that Americans worship money and America is for the rich.  So through their hard work, family support and education - they will get rich in one generation.  Then they spend money on what they want to spend money on - kids college, kids wedding, kids car, kids Mcmansion, and trust funds for grandkids. [/quote]

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