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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would guess that socio economic status makes a difference too. If the Indian extended family has high expectations of money flowing back to them and the non Indian SIL/DIL or their parents are not onboard with this, then this could be a worry.

As a WASP it’s mind blowing how some Indian parents expect so much money from their adult children. Even more mind blowing is the expectation to give money to hordes of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Honestly, I would restructure how our inheritance and trusts work[b] if we’re in a position [/b]where the funds we give to DD or DS for their nuclear family are grabbed by overseas in laws.[/quote]

:lol: :lol:  :lol:  GTFOH!!  No community in USA is wealthier than Indian-Americans. Not even WASPs.   So, the thought of some non-Indian  WASP with no legup from their own family, funding the ILs in USA or India is beyond hilarious. When will you be in that position to give? You neither have the money,  nor the heart, nor the training, nor the tradition.  BTW -  I am only talking about Desi Indians.  Not including other nationalities here - Bangladeshis or Pakistanis etc.

Please, the Rockefellers and Vanderbilts are not marrying second gen Indians.  The people who vacation in the Hamptons are not marrying the second gen Indians.  Usually, it is WASPS from no-name and extremely modest families who start dating the  Indian-Americans with bright financial future in college and grad school.

These WASPs do not come into the marriage with significant assets. Neither their own earned money, nor generational wealth.   Mostly, Indian parents fund the whole wedding (average cost is 350K in DMV) their kids do not have college debt, their children get seed money and the Indian parents make sure that the wedding succeeds. And it does succeed because life becomes smooth when you have wealthy and involved ILs to fall back on. This is especially true of the desi bride and WASP grooms.  They buy into the Indian side of the family a lot more because the logistical help and material help is tremendous.  The desi groom and WASP bride dynamic is different. Usually, the groom and children remain cut off from the Indian side of the family and they behave more like typical WASP males. However, usually these are the grooms with significant earning potential and so their dependency on family is less.

If any Indians give to extended family, then they only give if they are in a position to give.  Rules of social & family conduct, rules of gift-giving etc is extremely nuanced and it is adhered to.   But, majority of people will not let  a branch of their extended  family fail or the young generation not get a good education, if they have the means.  Why? Charity begins at home, the entire clan has to become successful  so that they are able to be of help to each other and rising tide raises all boats.

Most of the times, it is the Indian- American parents who have to safeguard their wealth from the people that their children marry.  Most of the property lawyers in the US ask us to structure our assets in a way that anyone who is not our own blood does not get it through divorce.  They strongly suggest to us to make our children get pre-nups etc.  As a result, the significant transfer of wealth which should have happened at the wedding, doesn't actually happen.  When Indian parents  see that WASP ILs are not reciprocating or not transferring wealth to their own children, they  also hold back.  [/quote]

Is this widespreadly true? $350k weddings are the norm? Or just PP’s delusion?[/quote]

It’s the PP bubble. Arrogant, insecure, tacky, flashy, and enmeshed, yuck. 350K on a wedding is a colossal waste of money. [/quote]

It is a 5 day wedding with many ceremonies for a relatively small Indian wedding  - 200-300 guests.  350K is a colossal waste for whom? People who cannot afford to pay for it will very often have a smaller, shorter wedding - and no one blinks an eye.    For the families that can afford to pay for it and for whom this is a tradition, it is just an expense for which they earn and save for it. Besides some of the cost includes paying for the rooms of the relatives and close friends, as well as the  cost of the gold and diamond jewelry for the girl.   You are in essence hosting 4-5 weddings.   And frankly, there are many businesses that employ many people who subsist on this business.

https://www.sodjla.com/post/indian-wedding-cost[/quote]

Just because you can afford something, it doesn’t mean you should spend it on something as superfluous and unnecessary as a wedding. This is why some cultures build stealth multigenerational wealth and support philanthropy/charities rather than exercise conspicuous consumption. [/quote]
My parents and the rest of my Indian extended family are wealthy enough to do both.[/quote]

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