Reply to When a friend asks for something of yours

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You know, after typing all that out, I think the real problem is that I’m letting my friend control how I feel about this poster.  I have a problem with the idea she has a negative image of me and it’s hard for me to sit with that uncomfortable feeling. So to make that feeling go away, I’m thinking I might fix it by just giving it to her. But then I’d have to sit with the feeling that my husband would be really hurt that gave it away.  All of this is focused on people pleasing in some way. Which maybe is selfish on my part. And people pleasing is not a good trait.

I feel like I need to get a place to be able to say no without feeling guilty or bad about myself. And without also being angry at my friend for making me feel that way either.  You know, like radical acceptance of her and her quirks and also not just acknowledging that I have my own desires but honoring them as well- without the guilt! It is so hard though not to feel the guilt.[/quote]
No. No no no. You don’t have to accept this “friend.” The reason why people are calling the friend crazy and your guilty reaction odd is that NONE of us has a friend who has begged to be given a possession of ours. This has not happened to anyone who has responded, I guarantee it. In your position, we would feel incredulous at the ask, not guilty bc we didn’t give into it. This is not a healthy relationship. Don’t accept it.[/quote]

Hmmm. I think I really needed to hear this! Thank you. That was my initial reaction too, but then the more she kept asking me, I felt more and more like I was being the odd, selfish one.[/quote]

You need to develop a strong sense of self. One that tells you that when someone acts like this that they are wrong and you do not have to accept it. I wonder who else in your life takes advantage of you. [/quote]

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