Reply to When a friend asks for something of yours

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You know, after typing all that out, I think the real problem is that I’m letting my friend control how I feel about this poster.  I have a problem with the idea she has a negative image of me and it’s hard for me to sit with that uncomfortable feeling. So to make that feeling go away, I’m thinking I might fix it by just giving it to her. But then I’d have to sit with the feeling that my husband would be really hurt that gave it away.  All of this is focused on people pleasing in some way. Which maybe is selfish on my part. And people pleasing is not a good trait.

I feel like I need to get a place to be able to say no without feeling guilty or bad about myself. And without also being angry at my friend for making me feel that way either.  You know, like radical acceptance of her and her quirks and also not just acknowledging that I have my own desires but honoring them as well- without the guilt! It is so hard though not to feel the guilt.[/quote]

I think you may want to explore some therapy to figure out why you think you should have to give this to her? I wouldn't even entertain a request like this and I certainly wouldn't ruminate over it like you have. Did you grow up with an emotionally abusive parent? Were the peacekeeper in your family between a sibling and your parents who fought a lot? Is your husband controlling? There is something going on with you because while your friend is ridiculous and completely inappropriate, your reaction is also not normal and it may benefit you to get to the root of this issue. [/quote]

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