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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, as parents we all make mistakes. We are trying to do the right thing in the moment, but our young adult children call us on it later. That's when we need to honor their feelings. Tell her sincerely how you are sorry. You were doing what felt right at the time, but you failed in some ways. Own it. Pride is a failing, OP. it's one of the seven deadly sins. In fact, I think it's number one on the list. Your adult child wants to know that you can admit to faults, that you can see how she struggled. Right now, you aren't willing to admit it. You just run away.[/quote]

DP. I hear what you are saying, but I struggle with this. If I know I did the wrong thing (a moment of stressed out snappishness, say), I can admit that and simply apologize. In other situations, I am absolutely capable of saying "I was doing the best I could in the moment, and I'm sorry it now doesn't seem like the right thing, and I'm truly sorry that (insert whatever the decision was) left you feeling hurt or struggling." But sometimes that doesn't seem like enough, and my kid seems to want something more, in a way that feels simplistic. But I WAS doing the best I could in the moment. And I don't think taking on all the fault — "I was bad, I was wrong, you were right, and you still are" — actually helps her very much. It might assuage feelings in the short term, but I don't think it prepares her well to live in a world where the very best you can hope for is to have relationships with loving, well-intentioned, inherently flawed, non-omniscient individuals.

So, I don't know. I haven't figured out how to handle these moments. I don't think that's pride, exactly, I think it's more complex than that. [/quote]

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