Reply to Is there anyway to discuss a spouse's weight gain and not cause permanent damage?

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Reply to "Is there anyway to discuss a spouse's weight gain and not cause permanent damage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suspect that men and women would receive this comment differently as a PP said. I, a woman, never did recover from xH’s years-long commentary on my PPD/ self-soothing weight gain. His approach was unvarnished bluntness, like he might’ve used (?) with a guy at work (you’ve gotten fat and you’re not as attractive as you were when we met 14 years ago)

Caveat - while a male might tolerate blunt negative statements better than a woman, and they might take action because men, doesn’t mean their feelings won’t be hurt. It’s really stupid to suggest that men don’t feel hurt. Especially OP’s guy who is obviously a sensitive dude.

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I really can't relate to this level of sensitivity. It's just weight, people! I've gained weight. My husband tells me. He loves me. He doesn't say it to hurt me. What he says doesn't make me feel bad in the least. Right now he's the one trying to lose weight, because he gained a bit this year, and he expects me to make comments as to whether his diet is working or not. Shouldn't a husband and wife have that kind of honesty with each other?

What IS it with women on DCUM and how they process weight and figure talk?!?!?! I don't get it.

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I guess you are a cool girl who can roll with the boys. Many of us were/are affected by beauty standards portrayed in the media from a young age. Throw in diet obsessed or body shaming mothers and you have created sensitivity around weight talk. Look, I was 5'5 and 105lbs snd thought I was fat because my them (psycho) boyfriend told me I was fat. Repeatedly. Two inches taller, 30 years older, 40 pounds heavier and I still am sensitive about weight. By all standards I am a healthy, normal weight, but my sense of body image was damaged young. For all we know, ops dh is healthy bordering chubby and she's a psycho.[/quote]

PP you replied to. I had a similar figure and my mother kept telling me I was fat as a teen. I resented her for it. But it hasn't damaged my self-esteem. When my husband encourages me to lose weight, I don't experience it as the same sort of irritating nagging my mother did. I trust him. He trusts me.

I know I'm going to come across as heartless, and I apologize in advance, but reading DCUM and all the posters who complain about body image issues and low self-esteem due to fat-shaming... at some point you've got to get over yourself and learn to take constructive criticism, from yourself or others. You've only got one life. Love your body, even when you're looking at it very critically. It's never going to be perfect, and the point is to keep trying, even when you know you won't achieve perfection. Striving to have a healthier lifestyle and slimmer figure should not be painful. It's even fun if you strive together with your spouse or children.

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I think it’s different if it’s something you are both working on together.  This was honestly the experience I had growing up with my mom and my friends, and it was kind of fun.  
With my husband, and I think the OP, the sentiment is more like: “What’s your problem that you can’t manage this?”  
I get that it’s well meaning, but it’s not fun.

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