Reply to H’s ADHD can’t be fixed. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous]
My husband and son have inattentive ADHD and autism.

It's been a hard road, because they are pretty asocial and forget/miss a lot of deliverables and deadlines. My husband has been let go several times. What saves them is that they both have high IQs and in their field of work (or my son's field of study), they are very good. So *some* employers are willing to turn a blind eye to the executive dysfunction, in order to get the quality of analysis and critical reasoning. However, under stress, my husband can have outbursts of anger that are entirely disproportional to the event. Throwing a phone is entirely compatible with that sort of personality.

I've developed a panic attack disorder, but I recognize it's not solely due to the stress of living with these two people. I was already anxious to begin with. You need to develop mechanisms to cope with anxiety and stress, OP, because your health is paramount!

It seems like your husband has depression. He needs to be medicated for that. Please consider a divorce very carefully, because he might still get custody, and this is something to avoid at all costs. I thought many times about divorce, and custody issues were the main reason I chose not to. My husband has multiple terminal degrees, looks very good on paper, and knows to appear like a calm, soft-spoken person to the right officials.

Best of luck, OP. You need to gird yourself for the long-term. This is not going to resolve itself any time soon.
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