Reply to I'm so tired of the adult female friendship dance

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can anyone explain the type of person that you meet and they are very friendly and invite you to events but then make a comment about their life or their kids almost as a way to feel out if you will act the same as them and if you remark anything that is your own behavior or thought that doesn't exactly match up and then they ice you out? I've met several of these women and it is so strange. We've just met. Why would you think I'd think exactly like you?

One example. We were walking our babies around the block for our first meet up per her invite and the mom remarked that she didn't care if her baby grew up to be sporty or not. I honestly replied that I loved sports and would love if my child grew up to be sporty but of course would follow my child's lead. The mom iced me out for years, is one of the most competitive people I know, and her kid grew up to only do sports. He's a jerk to other kids in sports too putting down kids even when playing pickup.

How was I supposed to know that her lead was something I was supposed to reciprocate in order to be invited into her world of friendship? So many tests. People are so weird this way.[/quote]

She sounds like a manipulative, insecure, mean girl and she was feeling you out to see if you would be a follower to her being the queen bee. You unwittingly didn't support that. Maybe it was the sporty comment or maybe it was something else. You seem upset that you didn't pass this test, but in reality this isn't a group you would have fit in with and why would you even want to.

It sounds like this happens to you often. Try to improve picking up on cues for other people's character and motives. You should be assessing other people who you meet, not just hoping to pass their tests.

Also understand that friendships with the moms of your kid's friends are temporary. This is big in elementary school, but when the kid friendships change then the mom friendships fall apart. Just be friendly enough to get play dates for your kids, but look elsewhere for lifelong friends.[/quote]

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