Reply to Including young adult not on good terms with in family vacation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think what matters more is the actual rift and reasons why. Do they feel lesser than the other kids in your eyes ? Because if so the sane route is to get some distance and the behavior is understandable. What discussion has occurred with them about how they feel?[/quote]
We don’t actually know why. We have sent them to therapist after therapist. They don’t want to be in college and dropped out. Some (fairly minor) charges from traffic courts. They probably do feel lesser than the older siblings who are successful in college. They tend to just not respond when we try to discuss things. 
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Is it not bothering you, upsetting you beyond figuring out logistics? [/quote]
Of course it is. Please be kind. We have tried and tried and tried and gotten no where. I am comfortable with how I’ve handled this situation - it sucks but I can’t change this child’s course until they are ready. 
I’m only asking because I am conflicted on this issue. Of course my gut says include everyone but at some point I also need to protect my own self and other kids. I’m asking how to set boundaries so they don’t ruin other people’s family time. [/quote]

Therapists can't do anything if there is actually a psychiatric and/or learning disorders that are undiagnosed and untreated, OP. Did you have them evaluated at some point as a child? It's very common for people with ADHD, anxiety, depression, or for example dyslexia, to feel "less than". I have a friend couple who ignored all the warnings from teachers about their kid's reading issues, and then were surprised when at 16, she asked for an evaluation herself. It turns out she has dyslexia and ADHD. She is not going to college. It's too late to turn things around. You can bet they're kicking themselves.

To your other point about their sibling relationships, perhaps you can survey your kids and relatives who will be attending and ask whether it's OK that this young person come. [/quote]
Yes, of course we have. All it resulted in was a general “adjustment disorder” diagnosis. I feel like everyone is pro-therapy now but honestly it hasn’t gotten us much improvement after years…[/quote]

That's one of the iffiest disorders of the DMV-V, and only given if there's evidence of a major stressor, kind of like a temporary form of PTSD. Symptoms are not supposed to last. Did they have a major stressor?

Also, please don't confuse therapists and psychologists. The former cannot conduct evaluations, the latter are trained to conduct evaluations. Different trainings, different disciplines.

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