Reply to Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - in response to 23:11

The ask came on the day of the birth - but child does not ask you to come that day but the following day, which falls on the other grandchild's birthday. Child is assuming that the answer will be yes to a visit at the requested time.

The child giving birth does not want to immediately have multiple visitors with the newborn due to concerns about illness, probably will be a few weeks before sibling and their family will meet them. Grandparent is the only one invited to meet them right now.

History: Two kids get along ok but are not particularly close. Can go months without talking, but haven't really argued. They haven't seen each other in person in a couple years but do a group FaceTime holidays. Their older kids have met once or twice.

The child with the birthday kid is more laid back and usually happy to go along for the sake of family harmony. [b]Child giving birth tends to express preferences more forcefully and has at times cut off family members temporarily if they don't feel they are being treated appropriately.[/b]

[/quote]

So, it sounds like the issue is concern that the recently-gave-birth mom is entitled and it's unfair to the party mom to change plans last minute. I would tend to agree, except "visiting" a newborn isn't really visiting a newborn. It's helping the new mom after what is essentially an uncomfortable and draining medical event. Having an extra set of hands to hold and care for a newborn, even just for a day, is really helpful. So in this case I think it's ok to skip the b-day party to go visit the newborn. I mean, if we were talking about going to assist someone who was coming home after being hospitalized for an auto accident you wouldn't think twice about it.

Now, if this was actually a visit, like come look at the baby for an hour and go away, or if the baby had already been around for a few weeks and the birth parent was bizarrely insisting on the party day, I would say the party should come first since that was a prior commitment. [/quote]

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