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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you hold your brother’s wife accountable for his behavior? I’ve never had a close relationship with my SIL, and it’s fine—we’re very different and not close in age. But my husband has never put much effort into his relationship with his family—as a brother, uncle, or son—and I sometimes feel like I’m held responsible for that.

Like if he forgets to RSVP for a wedding, or doesn’t buy gifts for his nieces and nephews, or if he’s not visiting his mother very frequently, it seems to reflect more poorly on me than him, but I don’t know if I’m just imagining hard feelings.[/quote]

No, but I find it odd that you will not also do those things as they are also your nieces and nephews and your MIL and you are included on the invitation.  I look poorly on you for your own actions.[/quote]

Do you look poorly on husbands who don’t do these things for their wives’ families?

I am a wife. When my sister’s daughter got married recently, it never would have occurred to my DH to take care of the RSVP and my sister never in a million years would have contacted him to ask about it. But in his family, it’s assumed that I’m in on these details, if not entirely responsible for them.

And it’s a tiny thing, absolutely, but the tiny things start to pile up. The expectations are so uneven.[/quote]

Often it ends up not being tiny. My spouse and I come from large families and all the things I was expected to manage by both families while maintaining a stressful job that required a lot of overtime with an unhelpful spouse was miserable.It affected my career and of course none of his family cared.

When I dropped a lot of the family management my family understood while his family was furious. It was one of the first times I stood up for myself and it was a great learning experience. It was the first step in learning to look out for myself and speak up.

The posters who scold women who speak up or drop the rope need to STFU. Anyone who attempts to make someone feel bad for refusing to be a slave or minion to other adults desires are sick in the head and are entitled jerks. [/quote]

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