Reply to Co-owning the second home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The uncle is taking advantage of your DH.  Calmly, your DH should talk to him and ask why this purchase wasn’t mentioned 2 months ago?  Yes, this will probably affect your relationship with the uncle. Too bad, so sad.[/quote]

Well, I think it depends on whether OP wants to continue a relationship or not. If he values that, he should not argue, mention it to uncle and then get some legal language together to make that clear in the future and just blame his lawyer/financial planner, even if he doesn’t have one.

To me, it’s not about letting people walk all over him or not. It’s about whether he wants to have a relationship with his uncle and cousins. In that case, he will have to let some things slide. [/quote]

So it’s a relationship based on doing whatever the uncle and his family want rather than being adults and discussing non-emergency purchases in advance?[/quote]

NP here. This also seems like a relationship where OP and her DH don't do any of the work and are fine allowing the uncle and his family to do all of the necessary homeownership maintenance and admin while they still get to enjoy owning the house. Yet they want the power of veto for furniture that they decide is too expensive, yet OP admits they can afford it.

I have no idea whether the uncle's family is taking advantage of DH by requesting reimbursement for excessively expensive furniture. But DH is taking advantage of not doing anything homeownership wise 100% of the time while his adult kids love to go to this beach house every year.

These kind of power dynamics really irk me, and I have one involving the care of one of my parents' homes. My siblings are perfectly fine sitting back and not lifting a finger to help with the day to day grind, but then want to sweep in and say "yeah no, I don't like that" once in a while to exert power.  Maintaining a home is a PITA, especially if you don't live there and it is a second home. Thinking it is ok for the uncle to bear this responsibility 100% of the time is not ok. It's not. So either get more involved and actually "co-own" the home or let them buy you out. [/quote]

You can’t chide OP and her husband, they aren’t the co owners. A man with dementia is.  OP hasn’t been able to bear responsibility. I’m not sure why his son and uncle haven’t already transferred his share of the home since he isn’t capable of making the executive decisions needed for this.[/quote]

Of course I can because DH slide right into the role of his father and kept the hands off approach. And OP says they don’t want to sell because her own adult children still like going to the beach house all summer. So yes, the OP and her DH love all the benefits of “co-owning” but want none of the responsibility. They want it both ways. [/quote]

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