Reply to How much to push my kid out of her comfort zone?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Use money or whatever currency she values, to bribe her. I have a son like this, super shy. We were at a holiday party and I told him I would give him money for each person he audibly said hi to.  Start small and try to make it a game. He doesn't like greeting friends outside school. Same bribe. He didn't immediately go and say hi to gazillion people but he said hi to a couple and I think it slowly normalizes the experience and he knows it didn't kill him or anything.

This son also does an instrument that has recitals. I use money again to bribe. It worked, and he was able to do it the second time when he couldn't the first time. I think it helped him view the recital as not just this painful experience for no reason, but as a way to earn money. With that end goal to focus on, he was able to withstand the discomfort better. I am hoping these paid experiences teach him that these events are survivable and can turn into a source of pride. And of course he is also learning to regulate that overwhelming shyness.[/quote]
Absolutely do not do this. Wow.[/quote]

Lol wow your argument is so convincing. People only think that changing how someone talks about something will affect behavior. But they forget or maybe don't know that changing behavior also affects the the way someone thinks about something. For young children, incentivizing them to change their behavior absolutely works to normalize things for them. See Kazdin method. Plus, you have never in your life feared something and then once you did it, realized, that was not that bad? My kid is cautious, shy by nature and would not try many things left to his own devices, and yes it is absolutely my job as the parent to push him to realize that this discomfort is just a feeling he can choose to ignore, and that doing new things can be rewarding. [/quote]

So you're going to bribe him to do anything that is outside of his comfort zone...for how long? Can't wait until he's older and realizes he can bargain with you "hey. mom, I'm really scared to go live in the dorm next year, but I guess I'll try it if you give me $10K in spending money every semester."

Personally, I prefer to give my child the tools she needs to understand and help resolve some of what is causing her anxiety so that she can grow up and be able to solve her own problems and learn how to do things independently. [/quote]

It is a bit child dependent, which is why i say use whatever currency is effective and appropriate.  For some kids, it might be a special outing or a prize or whatever.  The idea is simply positive reinforcement of desired behavior (which I think is most effective when combined with the tools-giving you mention; the two sides should work together ideally).  I do not have a kid that would manipulate me to bribe him (because honestly, very shy kids also generally tend to be very sensitive and conscientious), at least not currently but of course that is something I would have to watch for. [/quote]

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