Reply to How much to push my kid out of her comfort zone?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Use money or whatever currency she values, to bribe her. I have a son like this, super shy. We were at a holiday party and I told him I would give him money for each person he audibly said hi to.  Start small and try to make it a game. He doesn't like greeting friends outside school. Same bribe. He didn't immediately go and say hi to gazillion people but he said hi to a couple and I think it slowly normalizes the experience and he knows it didn't kill him or anything.

This son also does an instrument that has recitals. I use money again to bribe. It worked, and he was able to do it the second time when he couldn't the first time. I think it helped him view the recital as not just this painful experience for no reason, but as a way to earn money. With that end goal to focus on, he was able to withstand the discomfort better. I am hoping these paid experiences teach him that these events are survivable and can turn into a source of pride. And of course he is also learning to regulate that overwhelming shyness.[/quote]
Absolutely do not do this. Wow.[/quote]

Lol wow your argument is so convincing. People only think that changing how someone talks about something will affect behavior. But they forget or maybe don't know that changing behavior also affects the the way someone thinks about something. For young children, incentivizing them to change their behavior absolutely works to normalize things for them. See Kazdin method. Plus, you have never in your life feared something and then once you did it, realized, that was not that bad? My kid is cautious, shy by nature and would not try many things left to his own devices, and yes it is absolutely my job as the parent to push him to realize that this discomfort is just a feeling he can choose to ignore, and that doing new things can be rewarding. [/quote]
I just looked up the Kazdin method and I feel really sad for your child that you are equating his introvertedness and possibly even anxiety with defiance.  [/quote]

No, i'm not.  Kazdin method is simply a method of changing behavior through positive reinforcement. It's like the foot in the door phenomenon in psychology where the easiest way to get someone to do something big is to get them to take a small step (i'm sure i'm butchering this explanation).  Anyways, it's just the idea that the best way to change behavior is to normalize the desired behavior, not just talking endlessly about how you can overcome shyness.

But sure, go see a therapist. that seems to be today's go to solution for everything.  To me, that is sending the message there is something wrong with shyness and that you as a parent cannot help.  Shyness is just a feeling that you do not have to act on, just like any other feeling you might have.  Shyness has its uses, like any temperament, so it's not inherent a negative, but you need to train your kid with baby steps to learn to overcome the feeling when it's necessary (when it's stopping him/her from doing something he/she would otherwise want to do).  And before you say i don't get it, i truly do.  I was that super shy kid who never felt comfortable with large groups, strangers, and hated talking to them.  So when my kid is super shy, I am not surprised.  It is very familiar to me and I sympathize with him, but I also push him so that it is never something that holds him back. [/quote]

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