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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Last year, I worked with a colleague who had been very helpful and responsive, and we became good friends. At some point, he got so burned out and quit without any notice.

It turned out that outside of work, he barely replies to anybody's messages. Our mutual colleagues reached out to him, and some of them received a response two months later, and some of them haven't heard back at all. I got in touch with him, and he said that he has about 40 unread messages on social media and that his best friend had been trying to reach him for four days, and he is just not replying. He also said that he never initiates any conversations, even with his family members and closest friends. If I text him, he usually replies a week later, or sometimes I send another text a week later myself and then he reads both texts and replies. His responses to me are always very thoughtful and caring and sound like there is something more going on besides pure friendship. I do like him a lot but it bothers me that I need to wait for a week or more for every response.

I'm currently traveling in an unsafe country and therefore left my US cell phone at home. Before leaving, I notified him that my other country's phone can be contacted via WhatsApp during that time. He replied wishing safe travels and said that he'll text me via WhatsApp. A week later, he actually did find me on WhatsApp and asked how my trip is going. It's a big deal for a person who typically doesn't initiate, and I was happy to hear from him. I replied later that day (last Wednesday) but now see that he didn't read my response yet and hasn't been on WhatsApp since after he sent his message.

I want to keep and develop our connection and friendship but it bothers me that he takes so long to reply to every message. Is there a reasonable explanation for such behavior? [b]Is it even possible to maintain any meaningful long-term relationship with such a person? [/b]None of my other friends and acquaintances communicate like this. [/quote]
When you say long-term relationship, do you mean a friendship or a romantic relationship? If a friendship then yes, you can sustain friends by infrequent, slow texting at long distances. That’s the norm for long distance friends post-college I’d say.

If you mean a romantic relationship, I think you are not reading the room correctly here. If he hasn’t said “I’m interested in you, let me take you out” in one of these thoughtful text messages, then there is nothing more there.

Putting the ball in his court to text you on a different app while you’re traveling in another country (and he is too!) and expecting frequent comms is a little overbearing. Or thirsty, if you will.[/quote]
I mean at least a friendship, although there is some romantic interest on both sides.

I have a lot of friends in other states and countries. When one of us initiates a conversation, we typically exchange multiple texts for a couple of days and then go silent for a month or two. Nobody except for this man waits for a week to reply to every single message. If he reached out asking how my trip is going, why does he take a week to read my response? [/quote]
Because he wants to. Now, what are you going to do with that information?[/quote]
Is there some reasonable explanation behind that? My other (real) friends reached out to me too and really wanted to know how I am - because the country is unsafe like I said. It would have been easier if that man didn't text me at all - otherwise why pretend that you care if you don't? [/quote]
He already gave you his reasonable (to him) explanation. He doesn’t text frequently, and that’s just how he is. You can’t ask strangers on an anonymous forum to explain when the man himself already gave you an answer.

It would do you well to take him at his word and stop obsessing. Either you’re okay with it or you’re not so either dump him or relax.[/quote]

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