Reply to Husband asked me to change my behavior

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. I am/was a perfectionist. I work hard to make everything go perfectly. Then when, inevitably, something doesn't go perfectly I get into a funk. (What is the saying: Man plans and God laughs??)

I wasn't able to change my behavior no matter what anyone said to me because it was my way of trying to maintain control. To avoid disaster. To avoid bad things. To make my life seem beautiful and harmonious. But then someone said something that I hadn't heard before. That I wasn't that I wanted to be so buttoned up and that was admirable (which is how I always thought of it as) but instead I was a catastrophist. Someone who is always worrying about the worst possible outcome (whether is was likely or not) and that by being a perfectionist I made myself feel better that I was going to avoid bad outcomes. Only sometimes bad outcomes happen anyway.

I proudly thought of myself as a great planner, not afraid of hard work, doing whatever it took. But I did not like to think of myself as someone who was mired in (deep down) catastrophic worries. That has helped me help myself change. It helped me realize that my mother did this in our unstable home. And I was determined to make sure I didn't pass it along to my own children. [/quote]

Yes, realizing how much I am like my mother in this, and how much her being like this marred my childhood, has really given me a kick in the pants to deal with it. It’s hard but it’s doable. Be glad you have a husband who loves you and wants to help you, OP. Thank him for taking care of you and helping you to be a better you. [/quote]

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