Reply to Coping with anxiety once kids are no longer at home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I will say that I never expected this but restraint is the most important and hardest skill needed as parent of kid over 18. Of course there was a little of this teens years but nothing like when they go away. Unless asked do not offer opinion or projection on their decisions. Do not figure out how to get them out of Morocco when the last flight get canceled. Do not write their professors, boss, RA, administrators etc unless it is literally life or death. As you practice this restraint, the anxiety dissipates because you know that they can handle their own life. It’s very hard but it is their life and just enjoy that you brought them along to this point. I don’t say this lightly, it is really hard. But they have to learn to fail and get up. And you have to learn to live the rest of your life without the anxiety. You’ll always worry about your kid but you need to detach. [/quote]

I've never been a meddler when it comes to school. I've never called a teacher or emailed a teacher. I don't find that I need restraint for that because I know they are good students and do just fine and figure things out. The college process though? I have meddled, a ton. There was so much to do that was tough to keep track of, lots of apathy and anxiety at the most crucial time in the fall. So I meddled, I hated every bit of it but in retrospect it was a good thing I did since so much maturing happened by this time of year. So I feel ambivalent about the need to sometimes meddle. The Morocco thing you mention? I'm pretty sure I'd be getting a call asking me to help, and that I would help because physical safety is my #1 worry. If I don't get told something though, I obviously cannot be upset/anxious about it or meddle so sometimes I wish I could be ignorant about things because it's a lot easier than knowing and not helping.[/quote]

+1. You never stop being family/a parent.  
I only contacted a teacher once since MS because my kid tried everything in HS to resolve it and got nowhere so they asked for help.  Notice, they attempted to solve it themselves but when that got them nowhere I assisted.  Because 14 is too young to just say "oh well you tried now deal with it" [/quote]

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