Reply to I’m done—drop rope without warning?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have had the same situation. My dh is notoriously awful about planning and gifts. So I often just do it for him, which I resent as I do not like his mom. I am trying to not do this anymore, but I do hate awkwardness. This time I went to a store with him to pick a gift. Still, I had to remind him and go with him but he picked. Not ideal. And my mil doesn't even like me either! It all feels a little stupid.[/quote]

So learn how to accept some awkwardness.  It sounds like neither wants you in the middle of their relationship. [/quote]

Oh mil definitely wants gifts and attention and dh definitely does not want her to feel upset not to have those things. It's just that he is not making it a priority. But yes, I need to step back and let him deal.[/quote]

Have you considered that parents want their children to genuinely think of those things by themselves? I have a young adult son with high-functioning autism and ADHD. Occasionally he remembers various occasions and buys a little gift. Often he forgets. That's fine. I would hate it if a future DIL thought of all these things for him and claimed it was a gift from both of them. It would cheapen what should be a moment of sincerity. I would rather not get anything at all. I love my son no matter what, even if he forgets every single holiday. My kids don't need to pretend with me. Not that I'm expecting this son of mine to get married, to be honest! :-)

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My mother in law is the queen of letting herself think her son arranged the dinner or picked out the flowers. I honestly don’t think she cares that it’s me behind it all. It was expected in those generations anyway.[/quote]

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