Reply to I’m done—drop rope without warning?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have had the same situation. My dh is notoriously awful about planning and gifts. So I often just do it for him, which I resent as I do not like his mom. I am trying to not do this anymore, but I do hate awkwardness. This time I went to a store with him to pick a gift. Still, I had to remind him and go with him but he picked. Not ideal. And my mil doesn't even like me either! It all feels a little stupid.[/quote]

So learn how to accept some awkwardness.  It sounds like neither wants you in the middle of their relationship. [/quote]

Oh mil definitely wants gifts and attention and dh definitely does not want her to feel upset not to have those things. It's just that he is not making it a priority. But yes, I need to step back and let him deal.[/quote]

I get that. I've asked DH a few times if he needs help with Mother's Day.  He always declines because he somewhat resentfully gives her financial assistance as it is.  He never gets her gifts for other holidays or remembers her birthday either.  He only called on Mother's Day because after the kids and I got off the phone with my mom, they wanted to talk to their other grandma.  I started buying her holiday gifts after my kids were old enough to notice I was doing it for my mom, and I didn't want them to read the situation wrong, so they usually make her a cute homemade holiday gift. [/quote]

As a mom of boys, I don’t want to set the pattern that the maternal grandmother gets the attention and gifts and not the paternal one. I make sure my MIL gets the Mother’s Day brunch and flowers and phone call or whatever it is, not because I think it’s my job, but because I’m setting an example for my sons of how I want to be treated one day.

I do my best to make sure it’s not obvious that I’m the one doing it all and not my husband. The gifts appear with his signature and he knows in advance what they are etc, but I don’t let the kids see me buying them or prodding DH if that makes sense.

But if I left it up to my husband, who adores his mom and wants a relationship with her, she wouldn’t be acknowledged because he would drop the rope. I’m not willing to accept that because of my boys - but you may choose differently.
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