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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I probably sound whiny and complaining because, as I’ve mentioned, I am burned out. I summon my energy to interact with the kids and attend work meetings, then I have nothing left for myself or him. In this state, everything feels like a mountain to climb. He is not a monster. But this pattern in our marriage has been playing out for the past 8-10 years. We kiss and make up, then the same patterns re-emerge. He has said in the past that he’ll try to change to be more affectionate, but something has changed recently. His resentments have hardened. And it’s likely tied to me working longer hours at a job I am terrified of losing because it brings in the significantly bigger paycheck. I have never felt more vulnerable financially than this past year. I feel like he doesn’t see me fully. He never checks in to see how I’m doing. Am I stressed, sad, etc. He checks in on his mom, his friends, even his coworkers and former coworkers. Me? Not once.

I have been whipping up new recipes for dinner these past few weeks. Does he say anything about the food? Nope. The kids will. I try to joke and make light of it and sometimes ask if he likes the food? Then he’ll offer, yeah, it’s good. I can plan the most perfect vacation (I have), he tells me months later, that was nice. He’s just blah in his interactions with me. It’s like, I don’t want to pay her too much attention lest she thinks she’s a somebody. Being around him brings me down because I’m not used to sticking around people who bring me down. I keep my distance. But I married this guy and I didn’t know this about him. He checks the boxes, but on a romantic relationship level, he’s not checking barely any of the boxes. [/quote]

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