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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Count on the IL hating DCUMers to come out in force.[/quote]

If they were helpful, she would be looking forward to their visit. But they are not.[/quote]

Here's the thing. If this is the second visit, did OP really give them the VIP treatment at what would have been even fewer weeks postpartum? She cooked and waited on them with a real newborn? I find this hard to believe. But if so, then yep, ILs were out of line. But I've asked 2x, and OP never comes back to answer this question. Maybe DH was doing all the work? Maybe ILs don't know exactly what to do or how to help.

My point is only in that of course the standard DCUM IL haters would be out in force to promote their agenda.

OP and DH need to use their words and come up with a plan for what is reasonable for how to move forward. I know a friend whose DH wants to do more for his parents when they are here solely because DW's family gets SO much access to them and he feels it's unfair that DW isn't more accommodating in the few times they are there, when her family is up in their business constantly. Do you think her DH loves having to be with her family?

I get that I am reading into OP's situation. But I just think they need to talk and find a healthy way forward for each of them.[/quote]

OP here -- just catching up on the thread, really appreciate all the perspectives and advice! Will definitely be implementing some of the strategies here to communicate my expectations for guests during this period more clearly.

To answer this Q -- during the last visit--
+ It was just MIL -- her longterm partner (who we like!) was on another trip and couldn't make it. FIL passed away many years ago. MIL stayed with us for four nights. 
+ Days typically went -- DH got up and made breakfast / fancy cappuccinos for all / chatted with MIL while I cared for the baby and dog (normally he would help me with the baby and dog so we each get more getting ready time). We planned an outing that includes getting lunch out somewhere. We cooked dinner at home or got takeout. While ILs are here they go through tons of wine glasses / coffee/ tea cups and little plates for snacks so we end up processing way more dishes. I have lower tolerance than DH for undone housework so I usually take care of it first. 
+ Night one, my family came over and cooked for all of us to also see/host MIL -- afterwards, my mom, sister, and I cleaned up while DH took baby and my dad took dog out. MIL sat on couch hanging out with sleeping baby and sending baby photos to friends. Then she and DH stayed up late watching a movie so he was more tired the next day.  
+ Night two, DH and I cooked. While he took dog out and got groceries for the next day, I put baby to bed and solo cleaned the kitchen while MIL sat on couch hanging out. In hindsight, this really tweaked me and going forward I will be more proactive in asking for her help in a friendly tone. 
+ Night three, MIL invited her friend (who we also know) over for drinks and to meet the baby. Then they wanted us to all go out to dinner and we said we couldn't go out... we offered to do takeout at home with them but they left us to grab dinner on their own. 
+ MIL did try and help with baby a few times but it didn't go super well (e.g. she tried to give baby a bottle with the inner bottle stopper still on so we had to intervene / help troubleshoot).

DH is generally a helpful partner and co-host, but the added tasks of having to juggle hosting mixed up our typical shifts of doing baby/housework/rest time so I ended the weekend feeling more tired than supported. It was especially stark in contrast to how much help I feel like I get when my parents are over -- agree though that it's unfair to have the same expectations on them so I need to adjust my mindset there. 
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