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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have one brother, 3 years older. As kids / teens I worshipped him but he was mentally and emotionally abusive to me. He is a deeply unhappy person. I am 99% sure he was sexually abused as a young teen and I became te target of his rage. In our case I blame my parents 100% because my mom is the classic triangulating narcissist and my dad is just kind of unplugged. We live 1000 miles apart and have a superficial relationship at best. My estrangement from my family of origin, while necessary for my sanity, is the heartbreak of my life. [/quote]

This is close to my situation.  My only sibling is 4 yrs older, and he was physically/verbally abusive to me all during my growing up.  He's now on disability for mental illness (personality disorders).   We've never had a relationship because he was beating the crap out of me from Day 1.  Mom and Dad knew what he was doing and didn't take it seriously enough at the time.

Today, amazingly, through God's grace and a LOT of therapy, I have forgiven my parents and the three of us are very close.  Now I am late 30s, he is early 40s (both of us are single).  In his estate planning, Dad is trying to figure out how my brother will be cared for after they die.  This will partially fall on my shoulders, although thank goodness there will be money from my parents to help with this.  Because of that, as much as possible, we think we'll be able to get help from a non-profit so I am not the one giving direct care and answering his abusive phone calls (fingers crossed!).

Still, I totally resent the fact that I "have to" care for my brother -- the one person in my life who has only brought me pain and suffering.  While I know I theoretically have a choice, I really don't have one.  I love my parents too much, and I want to honor my parents' wishes.   Part of me wishes I could be selfish enough to say no, but I don't have the heart to hurt them like that.

What are the rest of you doing in terms of caring for mentally ill siblings after your parents die?[/quote]

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