Reply to Help me learn what to think during major tantrums

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is really abnormal. In my kids special needs school no kids were hitting at this age. You need an actual evaluation.[/quote]

At five? Nope, not abnormal. It's possible OP's kid needs an eval but nothing she describes raises a red flag for me for this age (former preschool/kindergarten teacher).

There is of course a wide range of "hitting" and there is some hitting that would make me immediately recommend an evaluation, but usually the issue is a tantrum that lasts unusually long and especially where the hitting is all the time and cannot be stopped. OP hasn't described that. It sounds like there is occasional hitting among siblings during disputes and that OP's main concern is that she is highly triggered by the hitting when it happens and it provokes a highly emotional and sometimes violent response in her. That's a super common problem, especially for parents who were hit or screamed at as kids.[/quote]

Except that you're not a psychologist, PP. What you see in your classrooms is undiagnosed kids coming through, along with the ones whose behavior will naturally resolve. At that age it's nearly impossible for a layperson to differentiate who is going to end up with diagnosis. Only a seasoned developmental ped or psychologist can do that. My kid with severe inattentive ADHD was given a tentative diagnosis at 6, and a confirmation of the diagnosis at 10.

So instead of saying "it's not uncommon, relax", you need to say "keep an eye on it, if it doesn't resolve, you need to have your kid evaluated". Especially if the parent tells you that they are like this too, and one of the parent was like this too. Mental health issues are coded in one's genes and are therefore potentially inheritable.

- geneticist.
[/quote]

Occasional hitting during an outburst is exceedingly common in 5 yr olds. The PP (was that you) claimed that "no kids" in her child's special needs school were hitting at age 5. That's just wrong. Lots of kids hit at age 5. The amount of hitting can vary and there is a type and amount of hitting that is absolutely a problem, but it's not "once, when upset."

Also, OP says her kid does not have these issues at school, but has these tantrums at home and this is when the hitting happens. This is also super common -- by 5 a lot of kids know how to behave in the classroom (aside from maybe the occasional bad moment) but I have heard from many parents and seen with my own kids that they can have more issues at home where they feel "safe" to express negative emotions and act out. There is even a phrase for this -- "after-school restraint collapse" -- and you can see it especially flare up in the fall or after long breaks from school as kids acclimate to the rules of the classroom and act out more at home.

Point is, I'm perfectly qualified to tell you whether or not tantrums or hitting like what OP describes are "normal" or "abnormal" in 5 yr olds and what OP describes is normal (unless it's all the time, the tantrums are very long or hard to resolve, or the hitting is excessive and the child is hurting others or herself, none of which OP indicates is the case).

Being a geneticist does NOT make you an expert in early childhood development.[/quote]

Tantrums can be normal. Hitting is not. [/quote]

Hitting is a normal part of many tantrums.[/quote]

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