Reply to Why do women stay after their husbands affair(s)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ll tell you my perspective, as someone who left a cheater:

A) The devastation and betrayal was and is something that changed me on a cellular level.  It changed my worldview forever.

B) There was no way I would ever have been able to love my spouse the way I had.

That said, MOST people in my life encouraged me to stay with my former spouse.  I was told that people make mistakes blah blah blah.  We had a toddler and I was pregnant when I found out. I left when my new baby was six months old.

The fallout was horrific and I am truly traumatized by the process of divorce.  My former spouse further financially abused me and used his (then) superior financial position to humiliate me and take advantage of my vulnerability, particularly in the court system which rewards the party with more money by default.

He got custody. I got no retirement etc in the divorce and lost every single proceeding.  I filed bankruptcy.  I am STILL paying for his sins/the dissolution of our marriage and we separated eight years ago.

Logistically and otherwise, I DO understand why people stay.  My tale is an example of everything that could have gone wrong, going wrong.  But I definitely could not stay.  [/quote]

Really well said. It's so funny how people will constantly tell women to "just leave". Women suffer huge consequences for leaving men. For example, if a woman is being abused, after she leaves is THE most vulnerable time where she is most likely to be killed/murdered. A man that has been "acting nice" will do a complete 180 and become so vengeful when he knows for sure his wife is leaving. I saw it in family law all the time. Even when he's the one who caused it. A lot of men HATE doing any kind of self reflection and their go to reaction to hard emotions is funnelling it into anger, so instead of unpacking that theyre sad their wife left them because of THEIR actions, they will go into rage mode and try to ruin the ex wife, again, even when HE CAUSED IT 100%. Women know how crazy men are and often want to avoid having to deal with their life being somewhat ruined because Tommy is angry and unstable. And men who cheat have higher rates of lack of impulse control so theyre probably going to be the same types that get vengeful and crazy[/quote]

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