Reply to People who were raised in a “partner comes first” household

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What exactly do you mean by “partner comes first”?

“Partner comes first” as in my spouse had an absolutely horrible day and would like me to stay home and keep him company instead of going out with friends?

I mean, can you elaborate? [/quote]

Households where the couple prioritizes themselves oftentimes with the thoughts that the children will one day move on and they will be left with each other. Ive also seen people blog about it as a Religious thing too, where its God first then husband/wife then children hierarchy. [/quote]

That’s just one narrow way of looking at it. The other more common sense approach is the spousal relationship is they keystone of the family and should be the focus instead of becoming child-focused. It is [b]indisputable[/b] that this is the best way to parent and that has nothing to do with religion. It’s just common sense. [/quote]

I strongly disagree. I've been married for 20 years and DH and I have always put our children's needs first. This is what my parents did too. This is what everyone I know does, except for patriarchal households where the father has the last word and his wife lives to serve him and the household.[/quote]

No. You are wrong and probably raising little sociopathic kids. No father first bs either.  Family starts with mom and dad and flows on a needs basis from there.  [/quote]

Op here. What does it look like in your house?

Are you putting a spouse vacation before braces for example or serving husband before kids at dinner [/quote]

np: the kids' needs are met, but we spend time by ourselves and we do things we enjoy too.  So we take our kids to the art museum because we want to go, not to the bounce house where they might want to go. But to be honest we do plenty of things just for them, as well. Sometimes you can put your own needs first without neglecting or shortchanging your kids. [/quote]

Yeah, taking the kids to the art museum (instead of a bouncy house) is not harming them at all (unless the BH is a birthday Party and you are not letting them attend).  You are raising your kids to have differing interests and expand their horizons.  It's not like you took them to an R rated movie at age 5, because heck you guys wanted to see the movie and couldn't find a babysitter.

I agree with that.  Sometimes the kids have to do what Mom and Dad want to do as a family activity, and as long as it's age appropriate, the kids will grow from that.  Also, as long as mom and dad also allow the kids to each select the family activities as well.

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