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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You mean, "spouse before kids"?
No, kids' needs always come first, before our needs. Mostly everyone I knew adheres to this, with some exceptions for ignorance about mental health disorders in children that should have been diagnosed earlier and treated.

If you mean, "husband before wife", that was in my grandparents' time. Fortunately my parents didn't practice that. My in-laws did, but my husband and his siblings don't.
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Your kids probably suck.

Loving marriage and love for children flow together and needs come first but automatic kids first is a disaster for the kids and their next steps. [/quote]

It depends upon the ages of the kids.  A 1 yo, yes their needs come first (note I said Needs not wants).  They are helpless and cannot do it for themselves.

For a 5 yo, if you've done it right, their needs come first but they should begin knowing how to "help themselves" and wait unless something is urgent, so they have "less needs that they cannot take care of" now.

I think it's a healthy balance.  You find time as a couple to do date night/do things as a couple that help you reconnect and be adults without screaming kids around.  That was easier to do when the kids were 3+ than when they were babies/toddlers (first kid would scream and be miserable for 45 mins to an hour, up until about 2.5, even if staying with their best friend/BF mom so it was hard to go out on date nights when you knew your kid was miserable---and yes, that kid turned out to have severe anxiety, what a surprise).  So not many date nights when the kids were under 3, but once they were happy with a sitter, we took advantage and went out at least every 2 weeks, and used family to watch kids so we could get away for a 3 day weekend every 2-3 months.

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