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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for all of the advice.

I did get him to release the therapist to talk to me but it has limitations.  Basically to “what is the plan” and “what can I do to support.”  As for the plan, the therapist says he has a lot to unpack.  A lot. So the progress will be slow.  He attended a club event a couple of weeks ago and that was a big win.  The affirmations are helping and “outings” where I offer an activity, we do it and have fun, and then I take him back to school.  I actually really enjoy this because I think it also sets us up for an adult relationship. She said I don’t come up much in the sessions (and she said that is a good thing) other than he enjoyed the outing so keep that up.  The last is to still guide him on what to do because he is not there from an executive function standpoint, and fear and anxiety causes him to freeze.  But not push because he needs to learn autonomy.  So over the last couple of weeks, he made a resume, we practiced cover letters, we prepped interviewing, and I set up an informational interview.  Next week we are going to list the local shops for a summer job and he will be ready to ask if they have openings, provide a resume and interview.  Essentially, I guide him with choices and help him, but he makes the choice and work on the goal.  Ironically, someone I knew passed along an internship that he was interested in and he applied and got an interview but I am trying to keep him from getting his hopes up and telling him that just getting the interview is a win.  It is funny that I almost wish he didn’t get the interview because I am so nervous about him getting discouraged, but it will be a learning experience.

To the PPs with kids in the same situation - I understand how hard it is to see your kid struggle.  And it is so confusing when your child was a high achiever in K-12.  My DS is really caring and I just want to see him happy.  I asked him how he was doing today  and he proceeded to tell me how he is fine.  And was always fine.  And there was “other stuff” but doesn’t really want to talk about it. I think his big step is learning how to talk about his feelings and all of the self-doubt that comes with it.  
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