Reply to MIL move in to memory care next week- advised to lie to her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No contact for a week is pretty standard. I am wondering if the people reacting like this is the most cruel thing ever have received or acted on this advice before?

What is actually cruel is to do is to string someone along who is adjusting and force them to re-start every day or half day. A week allows them to adjust to a new normal and acclimate to what is NOW their LIFE in a healthy and real way.

It's like if you have a kindergartener who didn't like being at kindergarten all day. The school would not let you go visit twice a day because...every day would be a miserable re-start and would hamper their adjustment and affect other kids. Same for residents.

If she is adjusting well, believe me, no one will bar you from entry or discourage you from visiting. They just want you to prepare for being a cooperative partner in her care by employing this best practice that is difficult but ultimately, humane, and it works.

Best of luck, OP. They will likely have her pretend she works there in some capacity, give her jobs to do. It's actually a really fortunate set up that she's old hat. They know her history, right?[/quote]

Let me guess. You either work for the LTC industry or are invested in it. You certainly have their propaganda messages down pat.

Phrases like "cooperative partner in her care" is such a tell. So are words/phrases like "humane" and "she's old hat." You do know you are referring to OP's mother, right?

There are many, many, many people with dementia who have loved ones (often the spouse) who visit every day, and have done so since they were first admitted.  It sure as hell isn't "cruel" for them to have a loved one come by daily. I would demand to do so. If not, I'd find another facility.

I don't know where you lost out on the empathy gene but you have. The advice and perspective of the elderly you've given OP is the only thing that has been "cruel" in this thread, IMO.[/quote]

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