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[quote=Anonymous]This has been the last 15 years of my sister. She ghosted me, but sent the kids gifts on holidays— sometimes. She was kind of flaky about it. It was always innocuous Amazon gift card type stuff.  The gifts were appropriate, so I vented to DH and kept my opinions away from the kids. I just reminded them to text a thank you.  And when she forgot holidays, I told the kids that she had her own stiff to deal with and it wasn’t personal. My kids aren’t materialistic and know better than to use gifts to keep core. They took it in stride.

When they asked why went never saw her, I was honest said I didn’t know— that was a choice their aunt had made but had not explained to me.  But it was almost certainly because she had issues with me and not them.  Once they hit HS, they had her text # and knew that if they wanted to contact/ see their aunt, they were free to do so.  I don’t think either ever reached out. I know they never saw her.

Fast forward to now. Kids are 21 and 23. My opinion is that when they turn 18/ start college, they are adults and should be responsible for maintaining adult family relationships. I stop being a go between. If you want to know if the 22 year old who didn’t text a thank you got a gift, ask them directly Mom. They could theoretically go on to develop a close relationship with my sister and that’s fine (but, I doubt it will She’s very self centered and has an empathy chip missing.  The kids don’t know her and haven’t expressed an interest in doing so).

For HS and college graduations, where the whole family is invited, I have included her in the group text with details (more to make my mother happy than anything). She’s never RSVP’d or acknowledged the invite. She’s rtainly never appeared.

I can’t explain it. At first I was angry. Then sad, especially for my kids, who lost an aunt.  Now I just accept it. We grew up with divorce, both parents remarrying, stepsiblings, some abuse thrown in. She’s never given me a reason for ghosting me or said I’ve done something wrong. So, I assume she’s dealing with her own crap unless/ until she provide a different explanation.

But, my kids are their own people. My drama with my sister shouldn’t ruin their relationship with her. I mean it did— but that was my sister’s decision, not mine. [/quote]

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