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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He sounds like a jackass and this doesn't seem to be anything new, but you're obviously committed to the relationship.

The only thing you can control is your own behavior. Stop thinking he's going to behave any differently than he normally does. He's totally unreliable and unsupportive. That should be built into every decision you make: "Do I want to move to a new house knowing that he's completely unreliable and unsupportive and so I will have to do everything?"

Re his opinion: Anyone is entitled to have an opinion on anything. It doesn't mean that anyone cares what your opinion is. So here's the question for you: why do you care what he thinks? What happens if you just ignore his BS? Just drop the rope. "Well, the kids needed to sharpen their pencils and that just seemed like the right place to put it to me. Go ahead and move it if you want to." And then walk away. Let him move the sharpener if he hates the location so much.

[b]Serious question: why are you still married to this guy?[/b][b][/quote]

I’ve casually thought about it before and feel kind of stuck- I don’t know where I would move with the kids or how I would manage my job and them solo, and whenever DH behaves like this I convince myself it’s a one-off. It isn’t, really, but…yeah. For now, I wouldn’t want the kids to be alone with him a lot because he just doesn’t pay attention to them unless they’re accomplishing something. He’s the type to “forget” to feed them meals if I’m gone on a weekend day, and will say that they or I should have said something and it’s their fault for not speaking up and asking for lunch. Nothing is his responsibility or fault, which scares me since they’re pretty little still (youngest in pre-k). But as the pencil sharpener incident shows, he’ll randomly blurt out criticisms and as the kids get older I wouldn’t want those opinions to be lobbed towards them.

In calmer moments I’ve tried to bring up how unproductive it is to not be involved and then criticize things that are done, but he just gets defensive and plays the victim, so it makes it hard to talk about how we could both take a different approach.[/quote]

OP, I am married to this guy, but it's about 10 years later. It never gets better - at least not on its own. There are a lot of times I wish I had divorced YEARS ago so I could have started over. Or have gotten to a point where I understood what was happening enough to insist on counseling. I don't think I heard the term emotionally immature until pretty recently. And it describes my (and your) husband to a T.

And I hate to tell you, but the kids won't be immune from it when they get older. In fact, you'll likely be shocked and surprised at how your spouse is wholly unable to act like an adult when you're dealing with a difficult situation as they get older. I feel a lot of guilt on this front and honestly hope my kids will understand that I was trying my best but I didn't really understand what I was dealing with either.

The pencil sharpener scenario is a great example of the whole dynamic. Because it's not about the pencil sharpener at all - it's about the fact that he's abandoned you as a partner during this move and instead of having any self-awareness to recognize that he's criticizing something trivial. But if you try to express that I bet you are in for an explosion and excuses and a whole tantrum. Until you are left wondering if the pencil sharpener does look tacky and maybe he has a point?

What I wish for you is what I didn't do or get for myself - clarity. Can you and do you want to live with this? Is he willing to change?

Good luck.[/quote]

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