Reply to Is it wrong to feel badly when your twenty something breaks up with a long term partner?

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Reply to "Is it wrong to feel badly when your twenty something breaks up with a long term partner?"

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[quote=Anonymous]It's not wrong to feel bad when your child, no matter the age, is going through something hard that you can't really help with. It sounds like it is a good thing that they recognized fundamental incompatibility before getting married, and that she is handling it as well as can be expected.

Just handle your feelings without involving her. And don't communicate any second-guessing that you may be doing in your own head. I broke up with a long-term, very serious boyfriend in my early 20s because as conversations and decisions got closer to life choices that couldn't be easily revoked (marriage, kids) I realized that we had some fundamental differences that hadn't been obvious before. He was a great guy and we had a solid dating relationship by any measure, but his reactions to certain conversations sent up some red flags for me that there were some very real underlying incompatibilities that would have undermined me personally, and undermined a marriage in the long-term.

After the break-up, my dad talked to me during a visit home and basically made it clear that he thought I was making a mistake in breaking up with the guy, was I SURE that this was the right decision, and this guy was so great that he doubted I would find anyone better. I wonder if maybe he thought I was scared of commitment or thinking the grass is always greener? I handled the conversation fine and confidently in the moment, but I was internally really offended that my dad didn't just stay quiet and trust me about my OWN relationship, especially considering that I have generally made very good and mature decisions about my life and my relationships, who to date and who not to, etc. It felt like my own dad didn't know me at all, and/or that HE thought the relationship was so good that he would question MY decision about whether it actually was and would continue to be. I politely told him that I was absolutely sure that I was right about the break-up. And I was. But really, he should have never butted in about it.

I met my DH a couple of years later, none of those red flags came up, and we've been married 20 years so far. [/quote]

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