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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP HERE - I am happy to work with him to go to therapy, and try meds, and believe in marriage through it all, but he is refusing to do so. My kids are older teens and have called him on his behavior over and over, and are also fed up. He is angry, has outbursts, threatens to leave us, etc, then comes back and wants to forget it ever happened, place blame on them and me, etc. It is a cycle. He did contact a lawyer recently, changed his mind again and now changed his mind back. He is showing to be irrational and he used to be so sane. He also has a LOT of unresolved childhood trauma that he won't deal with. I am at a loss of how to help him and protect myself, and am scared to be alone. [/quote] OP this is PP from the first page who had a similar situation and is much happier now. Don’t take advice from people who haven’t BTDT. Dealing with someone who is in this state is not the same as dealing with a rational person. We went to so many marriage counselors. They advised me to stop trying (privately). XH was not in a place where the marriage could work. Our cycle started like what you describe, then went to something much worse. He began to split and accused me of illegal things like violence. I encourage you to read the website Out of the Fog and the book Splitting just to prepare yourself to deal with very irrational behavior. Get yourself a therapist to break the codependency. You need to get into a place where you realize you CAN do this alone. I didn’t realize how easy it would be until I acknowledged how hard it was to carry what I had been carrying. Your DH is mentally ill. The kids should hear it from a third person. Maybe try family therapy and if he doesn’t come, then that’s on him.[/quote]
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